Saturday, 30 September 2006

Spangly Princess: the movie. (plagiarism? moi?)

so this is a pretty cool idea nicked shamelessly from the charming Red, which I thought I'd play around with seeing as I'm tipsy and it's Saturday night.

what would be the soundtrack to the film of my life? as generated by taking a list of the set-pieces of a biopic and moving through my collection of some 4.500 tracks at random, allocating one track to each moment. Sound track often totally defines the mood of a film. So what kind of film is it going to be? Using Red's categories and the music suggested by my computer, I shall endeavour to write a plot. Here goes:

Opening Credits:

Chet Baker - The street where you live. Nice, an 8 minute instrumental, ideal for the credits.

Waking up:

Blackstreet – No Diggity. I get up and dance around a bit, cos I'm a cheerful type.

First Day of school:

Manics - Tsunami. *rolls eyes* well we have to start somewhere. I guess this establishes the normality and banality of school in a middle class suburb.

Falling in Love:

The Streets – Stay Positive. HAHA. Best line for this particular use of the song: You were born on your own, and believe me you'll die alone. A song about smack, perfect for the big romantic scene. I fall in love with a smackhead.

Fight Song:

Ella Fitzgerald: 's Wonderful. HAHA again. This film is going to be really dark and creepy. As the crescendo builds to the big euphoric trumpet climax there's going to be an utterly silent, dialogue free knife fight, perhaps involving my new beloved, with brutal torture and multiple deaths whilst Ella warbles joyously over the top.

Breaking Up:

Morcheeba - Let me See. Another scene short on dialogue. I spy the object of my affections kissing my best friend, shortly after he's sworn undying love to me. May take place at a fairground.


Radiohead - Exit music from a film. I sit alone outside the the dancehall sobbing quietly into my taffeta gown, and slowly, determinedly, yanking all the embroidery of my beautiful new shoes which I adore. Inside, bored teens dance apathetically and are sick from cheap cocktails.

Life's OK:

Antonello Venditti - Che C'รจ [written to celebrate Roma's Scudetto win in 00-01] I go off to the big city to make a fresh start. And go to a lot of football matches.

Mental Breakdown:

Tricky - You Don't. I take too many drugs and listen to a lot of trip hop. Gradually I lose touch with reality.


Spice Girls - Wannabe. HEHE. I think back to my school days and wonder why this song is still on my hard drive.

Getting back together:

Beach Boys - God Only Knows. I realise that I can't live without the creepy, suffocating and destructive love of my ex. He has amazing harmonies though so it's ok.


Eminem - Brain Damage. This doesn't bode well for the marriage does it. There may be some fighting, drug abuse and white trash debauchery in spades. My new husband is clearly out of his skull during the wedding.

Birth of First Child:

Dizzee Rascal - Get By. It's a tough birth, methinks.

Final Battle:

Jacques Brel - Ne Me Quitte Pas. Another moody fight scene, this time in the rain. My husband is finally caught up by the guys he's been double crossing. They kick him to death in slow motion as he lies in the gutter, interspersed with cut shots of me sitting alone and devastated.

Death Scene:

Faithless - Insomnia. Hehe. I, er, go clubbing to get over the death of my husband and then... no! wait! I dance myself to death in a self-inflicted moment of Giselle madness and/or as prompted by the demon from 'Once More with Feeling.' excellent. I burn up from an excess of melodrama.

Funeral Song

Mozart/ Cecilia Bartoli: Dove Sono (Le Nozze di Figaro) YES! ha! "Dove sono i bei momenti/Di dolcezza e amor?" It's the perfect lament for the futility of my existence and the waste of all my youthful promise. And laments the faithlessness of my good-for-nothing husband too.

hehe so there you go. It's a violent, depressing, drug-addled and creepy film with wierd contrapuntal use of music to enhance the joylessness and brutal fuck-you-ery of the world.
*sits back to await calls from major hollywood studios*


Martha Elaine Belden said...

nice soundtrack... and i like the walk-thru of the movie itself. sounds like an interesting one... not necessarily a happy one... but interesting, for sure

thanks so much for stopping by :) always excited to have new people to read and befriend through cyberworld

Red said...

Why do we all have really negative songs for our wedding scene?! Are the cosmic forces trying to tell us something?

And I'm perhaps a little envious of you bagging a French chansonnier for your final battle... that's sweet, Princess.

Anonymous said...

No space for get your tits out for the lads?