Sunday, 24 September 2006

more introspection (warning: introspection content)

sorry if this is boring, but it's on my mind. I'll put the football stuff in a seperate post. hehe.

so those of my readers who know me well will know that one of the things that I do least well is manage to stay single.

since my first ever boyfriend, aged 15, there has been a more or less constant stream of people. It goes a bit like this:

T (Feb '95 - Sept '96)
T2 (Oct '96 - May '97)
J (May '97 - Oct '97)
M (Oct '97 - Dec '01)
B (Dec '01- Feb '02)
J2 (Mar '02 - Jul '03)
M2 (Jul '03 - May '06)

apart from the rather limited range of initials which my partners seem to have had, from this exercise it also results that my longest period of being properly single before this year is, um, maybe a month, two at most? though I would say that only the gentleman labelled M, J2 and M2 count as really serious.

so it's all a bit new. specifically, the not immediately plunging into a new relationship thing is a bit new. it's probably very good for me but I feel like a small child not wanting its medicine because I'm not sure I like it. a lot of the things I thought I was sure about, about myself, I'm suddenly not so sure about. since so much of my character & self-image has been constructed whilst in serious relationships this shouldn't be surprising to me, but it is. I'm perhaps not as resilient as I've always thought, and it's made me realise that I've perhaps been complacent and lazy in my relationships in the past, rather shamingly. ho hum.


Red said...

Seven long-ish relationships since the age of 15?!? You must be exhausted. I can't blame you for wanting to spend some time on your own.

Clear the air, get some perspective... what can it hurt? And if you happen to meet another person you like during this spell, go for it, don't stay single just for sticking to some decision you took while feeling rational.

And respect for your talent in failing to stay single. It's not a bad talent to have, you know? ;)

De Vertalerin said...

This space you have now is really valuable. I could have done with one such (seamless relationships, April '73- to date).

Beware of feeling you need to be in a relationship to be whole. This is utterly not the case.

Love you

De Vertalerin said...

And what red says is true too - don't let something good slip by because you're into being single.