OK here’s the honest truth. I’m not very good at handling rejection – which of us is? – but not so much because I feel crushed and worthless and dismayed. In all sincerity my problem is that I genuinely don’t actually understand it. My reaction tends towards disbelief and perplexity rather than despair and self-denigration.
There’s no way of saying this that doesn’t make me sound obnoxious. But, let’s be honest about this, I’m attractive, intelligent, educated, well-read, sometimes funny, I’m a caring friend, I have great tits, I’m good company, I dress well, I’m great in bed, I’m sociable, I’m friendly, I’m affectionate, I’m interested in a huge range of topics from the serious to the frivolous, I can hold a conversation with anyone in English or Italian, and am frankly a more interesting person than many. I can cook, dance, sew, read a map, explain the offside rule, choose a decent red wine, look after children and fillet a fish. I am not clingy, obsessive, stalky or weird (other than about the first world war). I don’t put people down, bore on about my pet obsessions, neglect to wash or encroach on people’s personal physical or psychological space.
I can of course understand people who are just totally uninterested. That’s fine. But I can’t understand the sudden total abandonment of interest thing because a) it makes no rational sense and b) what’s not to like? (other than this particular attitude of mine)
(other than this particular attitude of mine)
I mean of course I have heaps of faults. I’m fantastically lazy, disorganised, permanently late, forgetful, tediously introspective, argumentative, frequently depressed, inclined to didacticism and intermittently arrogant, bitchy and dismissive. I’m not trying to claim I’m perfect, far from it. But, overall, I’m a great package. Really.
This is quite hard to say. Because it sounds vile. But I actually don’t understand why on, say, Saturday you might really like me and really want to see me and by Wednesday you might have totally changed your mind. Unless I’d done something awful in the interim, which, y’know, I’m sure I would have noticed. *mystified*